A Mother's Giving Nature

“My mother was finally leaving Irvine, her wish had come true. When she used to fight with my father, it always seemed if only she could leave the Dragon Café, leave Irvine, her life would be so much better, that only then might she have the chance at happiness. But when she had waved at me through the car window, the sadness in her face had felt like a stone in my heart.” (108)
“I watched my brother curled in my mother’s arms and I began to understand how much she sacrificed when she arrived in Canada; what she meant when she claimed that her life had been over the moment she stepped off the plane. For my mother the act of living here was in itself an act of love, my mother had given up her own life out of love for me and would do the same for Daniel.” (314-315)

Everyone in life has at least wanted something so bad, they waited for it. Most of the time, the thing that a person waits for, is something they wanted instead of something needed. In those cases, by the time the person gets what ever they wait for, they tend to not want it so much by then. But, needing something is different than wanting something, because if a person really needed something, they would always need it, but tastes change so they may not always want something. In Annie’s mother’s case, leaving Irving was something she needed. Although she seemed sad when she left, in the end, it was what was best for her. She sacrificed so much for her children that she needed to do something for herself for once. A mother gives so much for her kids, and it seems that she never really receives an even amount of what she gives. But, they still continue to give in light of that.

Times Are Changing

“On first inspection the images were similar. Both girls had their hair permed into curls, both were seated with their hands in their lap. Both had clear complexions, no moles to darken or to enhance their futures. I turned towards my brother and he raised his eyebrows at me. My mother’s face was stony. I felt everyone’s eyes on me, waiting for me to speak.
I peered more closely at the photographs and noticed that one girl looked directly at the camera with a hint of a smile, as if she held a secret. The other had little expression on her face, what seemed an unwillingness to reveal herself, or perhaps a hidden stubbornness. I knew from listening to conservations over supper, that both girls came highly recommended: both we healthy comma, obedient, quiet; both knew how to cook and sew, had completed several years of high school in China.” (173)

In this passage, Annie is ask to give input on her brother’s possible future bride. Again we see the process of a Chinese marriage and again we witness how girls are looked as a piece of meat to choose from. But, there are some differences in the process compared to the time of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan (SFSF). In this book, a matchmaker is no longer used, as families find the brides themselves. Also, back in the time of Lily from SFSF, it was the parents who determined the marriages, but in this book, Annie, who was “just a woman”, is asked for some advice. The girls in the photos had less skills to prepare them for life at he in-laws, but more knowledge since they were schooled.

A Mother's Sacrifice

“Those hateful Japanese, burned down my house and killed my husband. They destroyed the city. Because of them I ended up a poor woman with no husband and no home to return to. When I discovered that was going to have a baby, I had no choice but to stay with my sister and her family, but after she died, her husband saw my baby son as little more than beggars. Even the jewellery I was wearing, I had to sell. Aunt Hai-Lan had more luck than me…Sometimes, Su-Jen, I think that I was unlucky to have survived the war. I had to marry your father, an old man, just to survive.’ Her impatience had faded and now she sounded crushed by sorrow.’ I married him for my son. I wanted him to go to school, to have a future, But now he’s dead and I am here. Mo tin, mo meung. No money no life.’” (121) The Chinese resentment towards the Japanese is still present even to this day. During WWII, woman suffered greatly. Their families were torn apart and they were forced to work as prostitutes for the Japanese, so who can blame them for hating the Japanese. In this passage, Annie’s mother explains the sacrifice she makes for her children. She lost her husband and was left to provide and protect her son all alone. She had some family support until her sister died briefly after that point and was even discriminated against because of her current status as a single mother. Also, during those times, women were suppressed so much they had to rely on a man, so the only solution to situation was to marry any man who would take her. Since she was already married and with child, the only men who would want her must be of the older age. Annie’s mother sacrificed her youth by marrying an old man for her son. She left everything behind for a life she never wanted in a foreign country. In the last line, she says “No money no life”, which is true in her situation. If she had not have had to worry about money and finances, she wouldn’t have had to marry again.

Missing Identity

“MY FAMILY IN CHINA was a mysterious, shadowy presence. There were only a few black and white photographs that revealed nothing of the of the people behind the solemn faces. I had no memory of ever meeting them, although my mother said they always asked about me in their letters, letters in script I couldn’t read. Even Aunt Hai-Lan and Uncle Jong in Toronto seemed far away…I craved for details about my family’s past, the people back in China. I learned what I knew from bits of grownup conversations. I eased dropped whenever my parents and my brother talked, gathering each piece of information and storing it inside me like a precious jewel. (81-82) China was isolated from the rest of the world for thousands of years just to preserve tradition. One of the most important things the Chinese value are the family and culture. In the story Annie left China at such a young age, she barely had any time to create memories there, causing her to lose a part of her culture and past and leaving her with a missing of her identity. This is understandable because knowing about one’s past is just as important as how they are in the present. A person’s past is what makes that person what he/she is today, even if he/she was not the same in the past. This is common among immigrants who’ve left China at such a young age, and even more so today among American Born Chinese (ABC).

Bullies

In this passage, Annie is presented with a nice new bicycle and she decides to ride it around.
“I was concentrating so hard on pushing the pedals that I didn’t see the girl with the mean marble eyes standing the alley way.
’Hey chink where did you get the bike?’ she said. ‘Did you steal it?’
I tried to ride past her, but she grabbed the handlebars and thrust her face in in front of mine, narrowing her eyes as she taunted, ‘Get off the bike before I push you off.’
I refused to let go and tightened my grip, but I was no match. She knocked me off my seat, then climbed into the tricycle and pedaled away. The next afternoon…as I rode my bike back up the alley, the girl again appeared, blocking the road. She grabbed the handlebars and shouted at me to get off. This time I was prepared. I clenched my fists around my handlebars, took a deep breath, and kicked her with all my might. She yelped and let go and I tried to get away. But she grabbed my arm and dragged me off my tricycle. I fell on the asphalt, grazing my leg on some loose asphalt. “ (45-46)



In the previous post, I commented on the inferiority the Annie felt because she as an immigrant. Of course, this was not a one sided ordeal. The immigrant children may have felt inferior just because it was in their nature, by being immigrants, but the citizens of the country were not so accepting of their new neighbors. There were many who bullied others because they felt the power of being superior. The young girl who bullied Annie called her a “Chink” and asked if she stole the bike. The bully implies that because she was a Chinese immigrant, she wouldn’t have money to buy the bike, so she must have stolen it. Although it was not a pleasant moment for Annie to have been discriminated against, but this draw back in her young immigrant life allowed her to develop some courage to defend her self with. She was able to fight back, instead of cowering down because she felt inferior. Maybe now she did not feel as inferior.

Inferiority

In almost every situation, the minority group would feel inferior to the majority group. Also, by feeling inferior to another, self-esteem goes down. Living in a new country with such difference in culture, anyone would have felt insecure. Through observation, Annie sees that “as long as [she] did exactly what Miss Hinckley expected, as long as [she] kept [her] hands clean, [she] thought that [she] would stay out of trouble”, allowing her to be able to conform with school and let some of her feelings of insecurity go. With this in mind and the fact that Annie (Su-Jen) has a Chinese background, it is not surprising that Annie would be such an obedient girl. But, as this passage points out, being obedient is not the only factor in being able to fit in.




“I could tell from the pictures that Miss Hinckley was teaching a lesson about caring for our teeth. The tone in her voice told me that apples were good and that candy was bad. Miss Hinckley then surprised me by asking me to stand up in front of the class. I was even more confused when she asked Paul Conway to stand beside me. She asked Paul to open his mouth wide and gestured for me to peer inside. I saw a pink tongue surrounded by an arc of tiny pearly teeth. I was suddenly self-conscious of the brown, decaying baby teeth inside my mouth and I pressed my lips together…My cheeks felt hot and my eyes began to brim with tears. Everyone was giggling and whispering. I wanted to run away. No one else had teeth like mine. All the lo fun [American] children had been to the teeth doctor and I felt ashamed that I had never seen one.” (30-31)

In the passage, Miss Hinckley makes an example out of her for having had bad teeth. The teacher might not have had the intentions in embarrassing the child, but it wasn’t right for her to make an example out of anybody. Since Annie was an immigrant, and an Asian one at that, it was harder for her to fit in school, so she was extra sensitive about things that would embarrass her. Being new to the country, it was inevitable for them to become poor causing her to be unable to visit the “teeth doctor”. This was another thing that made her feel left out. This is an example of the constant feelings of inferiority immigrant children had to face. Also, whenever appearance is considered, girls and women alike would always be extra sensitive, since there is always an expectation of them.

Midnight at the Dragon Cafe by Judy Fong Bates

Judy Fong Bates's fresh and engaging first novel is the story of Su-Jen Chou, a Chinese girl growing up the only daughter of an unhappy and isolated immigrant family in a small Ontario town in the 1950s. Through Su-Jen's eyes we see the hard life behind the scenes at the Dragon Cafe, the local diner her family runs. Her half-brother Lee-Kung smolders under the responsibilities he must carry as the dutiful Chinese son. Her mother, beautiful but bitter, lays her hopes and dreams on Su-Jen's shoulders, until she turns to find solace in the most forbidden of places, while Su-Jen's elderly father strives to swallow bitterness, and save face at all costs. (http://www.powells.com/biblio?show=TRADE%20PAPER:USED:9781582431895:7.50#synopses_and_reviews)

It's a cycle

“I persisted in the negotiation, and Snow Flower’s granddaughter came under my protection. I personally bound her feet. I showed her all the mother love I could possible give as I made her walk back and forth across the upstairs chamber of her natal home. Peony’s feet came to be perfect golden lilies, identical in size to my own. During the long months that Peony’s bones set, I visited her nearly every day. Her parents loved her very much, but her father tried not to think about the past and her mother did not know it. So I talked to the girl, weaving stories about her grandmother and her laotong, about writing and singing, about friendship and hardship. ‘Your grandmother was born of an educated family ,’I told her. ‘You will learn what she taught me-needlework, dignity, and, most important, our secret women’s writing.’” (251) The process of foot binding is passed on from generations to generations, like an unbreakable repeating cycle. Fate plays a role, determining which family, either wealthy or poor, a girl is born into. Being born into a wealthy family would provide people with a good education and a better possibility of finding a good mate. This was not true in Snow Flower’s life however, since she was born into a privileged family, but ends up marrying a poor butcher. Snow Flower’s grand daughter also has to go through this process and, although Lily and Snow Flower’s friendship went sour, Lily still helped out Peony. This shows how deep their bond was. Lily manage to negotiate her way to be the one to mentor Peony through the foot binding process, although she was below in social status. She stresses that the most important thing to learn is the secret women’s writing. By ng a mentioning this writing along with the basic essentials of being a women, it further highlight the importance of the writing to a woman.

Laotong

In the story, Lily and Snow Flower are each other’s laotong. But, as each of them marry into their own respective families. With that in mind, miscommunications occur and Snow Flower ends up writing the secret message to Lily, telling her that she did not want to be close her any more. “I felt like a sword had thrust into my body. My stomach leaped at the surprise of it, then contracted into an uneasy ball. Love? Was she really talking about love with sworn sisters in our secret fan? I read the lines again, puzzled and confused. Three sworn sisters have promised to love me. But Snow Flower and I were laotong, which was a marriage of emotions strong enough to cross over great distances and long separations. Our bond was supposed to be more important than marriage to a man. We had pledged to be true and faithful until death parted us. That she seemed to be abandoning our promises in favor of a new relationship with sworn sisters hurt beyond reason. That she was suggesting that somehow we could still be friends literally took my breath away. To me what she had written was ten thousand times worse that if my husband walked in and announced he’d just taken his first concubine. And it wasn’t as though I hadn’t been given the opportunity to join a post-marriage sisterhood myself. My mother-in-law had pushed me very hard in that direction, but I had schemed and plotted to keep Snow Flower in my life. Now she was tossing me aside? It seemed that Snow Flower- this woman for whom I had deep-heart love, whom I treasured, and to whom I’d committed myself for life, did not care for me in the same way.” (220) The sisterly love between Snow Flower and Lily ran deeper than marriage. In our day and age, we would have thought that their relationship was more than just sisterly love, which is understandable because everybody needs someone. In such a strict society, where lily feet, and reputation is important, the friendships that were intertwine in the early years of life are important. As women, they have only each other to lean on. This sisterly relationship kind of displays the other half of the properties that women need in a true loving relationship. In a relationship, ideally, a women’s spouse have two sides, the strong, courageous provider, and the caring and understanding listener.

Women vs. Men

“Many of those babies die through miscarriages, at child birth, or from illnesses. Girls-so susceptible to weakness from poor food and neglect- never outgrow their vulnerability. We either die young-from foot bindings as my sister died, in giving birth, or from too much work with too little nourishment- or we outlive those we love. Baby boys, so precious, can die just as easily, their bodies too young to have taken root, their souls too tempting for spirits from the afterworld. Then, as many men, they are at risk from infections from cuts, food poisoning, problems in the fields or on roads, or hearts that can’t stand the stress of watching over an entire household. This is why there are so many widows.” (150) In this passage, the contrast between the roles of men and women are clearly seen. As a Chinese woman, you would have to constantly worry about your children, whether it’s a miscarriage that may occur anytime during the nine months of pregnancy, or death by an illness. As girls, they worry about dying due to vulnerabilities or outliving their loved ones. Boys can die when their bodies are not mature enough to be immune to the dangers around. Men worry about providing for the entire household. Looking at both sides, it seems that women and men had the same amount of worries and are at the same level of worth, but, in truth, woman are the more important gender because of their ability to give birth, while men are only favorable because they are the provider.

Pain is beauty

“I have always told you a true lady let’s no ugliness into her life,” she said, “and that only through pain will you understand beauty.” (109) This quotation from the book is going to be a very memorable one because of it’s meaning. By saying that “a true lady let’s no ugliness into her life”, conveys the idea that their isn’t any true ugliness in the first place. A lady can be considered to be “ugly” but if she is able to get past how other people view her, she is a true lady, because although other people may view her as being ugly, it did not matter; she does not care. The second part of the quotation is similar to the sayings “no pain, no gain” and “beauty is pain”. These sayings are true in all aspects. What is beauty and why do people view such importance in it? That is what beauty is. Beauty is/are the thing/s people feel are so important they consider it beauty. To some, a lean and toned body maybe considered beautiful; to others the Patriots winning the super bowl after a perfect season would have been beautiful. The lean and toned body may seem superficial, but looking deeper into the picture may change your mind. Not everyone is born with a lean and toned body. A lot of people work hard to achieve their ideal body size. If a person puts such great effort in doing something productive, shouldn’t that be considered beautiful? The Partiots worked their butt off all season, why wouldn’t it be considered beautiful if they achieve the ultimate award in the NFL. In the story, women went through crucial pain and agony to achieve their goal. The beauty was not what was achieved but the dedication they had to go through the things they did to achieve their goal. “For ten years you have trained for this moment,” she gently reassured me. “You obey the rules set down in The Women’s Classic. You are soft in your words but strong in your heart. You comb your hair in a demure manner. You don’t wear rouge or powder. You know how to spin cotton and wool, weave, sew, and embroider. You know how to cook, clean, wash, keep tea always warm and ready, and light the fire in the hearth. You take good and proper care of your feet. You remove your old binding each night before bed. You wash your feet thoroughly and use just the right amount of scent before putting on clean bindings.” (109) In this passage, not only does she have to deal with the pain of the bindings, she had to deal with learning all the duties and responsibilities she would have for the rest of her life. She is forced, by society, to go through this pain, and although this may not be something she truly desired, the fact that she endures all this, in the end, allows her to determine the important beautiful things in life.

We women...

"We women are expected to love our children as soon as they leave our bodies, but who among us has not felt disappointment at the sight of a daughter or felt the dark gloom that settles upon the mind even when holding a precious son, if he does nothing but cry and makes your mother-in-law look at you as though your milk were sour? We may love our daughters with all our hearts, but we must train them through pain. We love our sons most of all, but we can never be a part of their world, the outer realm of men. We are expected to love our husbands from the day of Contracting Kin, though we will not see their faces for another six years. We are told to love our in-laws, but we enter those families as strangers, as the lowest person in the household, just one step on the ladder above a servant... All these types of love come out of duty, respect, and gratitude. Most of them, as the women in my country know, are sources of sadness, rupture, and brutality. " (59) It’s a universal expectation for a mother to love her children. But, it was interesting to find out that in the Chinese culture, the strains that a woman went through just in loving her children, as a mother. Of course a mother would love her daughter, having a strong bond just because of the commonality of being women, but it is understandable for the mother to have some kind of disappointment of not having a son. Let’s face it, in their time, sons were so cherished, it was hard not to be inclined to have a boy. This passage explains the role of the common Chinese women. As women they are already given a fate according to the norms of the society in Chinese culture. They, themselves, must have felt the unfairness of being a girl, but all they could have done was deal with it. Looking at their daughter’s unfair life, they can say ‘been there done that’ but all they can do for their daughters is to set a good example of how women “should” be in their society, in hopes of having them accept their fate. With all these expectations, they are pressured to fall into being a slave for others and in the end become slaves to their own emotions, having such limited freedom. This must be the reason for why they created secret messages, which was there escape from the suppression of their daily lives. Notice how Lily says “All these types of love come out of duty, respect, and gratitude…” She emphasizes a lot about love from duty, respect, and gratitude, but she leaves out true love; love that comes from just pure emotions. Interestingly enough, Chinese women today learned to live life loving with more emotion, which is evident in their drama serials.